My Old Toys

Crazylegs got it bad. Like Carl Weathers in Predator bad.

I can’t recall how this figure lost his right arm, but it was probably in the line of duty, and I think a rock might have been involved.

Not The Rock, because let’s face it, had Crazylegs gone up against the Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment, he would have suffered far worse than a busted arm.

No, I think this figure — the G.I. Joe airborne assault trooper — might have landed on a rock in the back yard when his parachute didn’t open.

It’s also possible he jumped without a parachute, perhaps in pursuit of a runaway bank robber à la Keanu Reeves in Point Break.

Whatever it was, it didn’t knock Crazylegs out of action for too long. I remember this being one of my favorite figures from Hasbro’s 1987 G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero series.

The figure didn’t come with any great accessories, he wasn’t in the cartoon or featured for more than a few issues in the Marvel comics series, but he saw a lot of action in my house.

After he lost the arm he also switched to a recurring role as the guy getting his arm blown off à la Carl Weathers in one of my million Predator re-enactments.

But I still loved the guy. Here’s to you Crazylegs.

Today’s random grab turns out to be one of my favorite Joes.

He’s Hit-and-Run from the 1988 G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero series. I got this figure at the peak of my Joe fandom as a kid, although I can tell you the peak lasted about three or four years.

Hit-and-Run still looks cool all these years later, and I’ve got all his accessories. His duffel bag houses a grappling hook that he’d always be using to climb the walls of the Cobra Terrordrome.

Those were good days.

The 1988 series actually had a lot of my favorite Joe characters. Over the years, Hit-and-Run would become one of my go-to guys for any adventure, and he’d always come out alive.

I used to give this figure a lot of personality. I especially liked that he had his face painted like the Poncho character in Predator.

As we get further into this G.I. Joe series I think you’re going to see that Predator played a big role in these adventures. 

Oh Spawn, I’ll never look back at you without thinking of that awful movie.

From the early days of McFarlane Toys comes the very first Spawn figure. He’s the guy with a melted face and a cape that does all sorts of amazing tricks.

Seriously, this cape is too much. I don’t even want it. Obviously it was too much for the people who made that movie because the character didn’t even wear it half the time.

This was either a Christmas or birthday gift from my dear friend Vandenbergh D. Hofferstein, who thought Spawn and I would get along.

Since then, McFarlane Toys has produced about 400 versions of the figure and lord knows how many different statues and busts. 

A lot of people dig Spawn, but I never got into it. I own issues No. 4 and No. 6, which I remember buying during the speculator boom in the early 90s.

That was a ridiculous period, I’ll never forget reading Wizard every month and seeing these supposedly “hot” comics in demand. But they were always Valiant Comics characters I’d never heard of, like X-O Manowar and Harbinger.

Thanks goodness I never really fell for any of it. Except for the two Spawn issues and Predator vs. Magnus Robot Fighter.

Magnus Robot Fighter. What a stupid name. Plus, why does the guy wear a skirt and knee-high boots?

Anyway, back to Spawn. Yeah, so I never got into the character or Image Comics (Make mine Marvel!) and that movie was just about the worst thing I’d ever seen. Until I saw Green Lantern. 

McFarlane Toys did get my business, however, when they started making their awesome Movie Maniacs and Major League Baseball figures. A few years ago I even stopped at their store while I was in Phoenix. That was great, wish I had pictures.